Traditions
by The Linn
Summary: "I just told you that I had a make-out session with three other men and you thought I was weird for saying I had a clone." The Doctor gave her an are-you-kidding-me look. Amy and Rory find a photo album of people doing keg stands! I OWN NOTHING! Rated T. Crackity-Crack-Crack!Fic


**Alright, my lovely readers, this fic is brought to you by crack. Lots of it.**

**Traditions**

Amy and Rory were in one of the TARDIS' attic rooms. The Doctor was in the Control Room, fixing god-knows-what on his beloved machine. So far, the Ponds had found several alien-looking relics, a few board games for some reason, and a suspiciously long scarf.

"Why does the Doctor have so much stuff?" Amy asked, giving Rory a glance as she pondered the use of another relic.

"He's over 900 years old Amy, he's bound to pick up some stuff from his travels." Rory replied, picking up a seemingly random photo album. "Hey, look at this."

Amy crawled over to him, examining the album. It was black in color, with circular white symbols decorating the cover. It was quite thin, there couldn't have been that many pictures in it. Opening the cover, the Ponds got a surprise.

It was a color photo of a teenager , no more than 16 at least, doing a keg stand. The boy had blonde, curly hair, and was surrounded by a couple of other kids his age. At the bottom was the label, "First keg stand: Theta, age 92, with the rest of the Deca (Koschei, Ushas, Drax, and Ruath) at an Earth bar during a Prydonian Chapter field trip."

Amy and Rory looked at each other, wondering what the hell all of it meant. Turning the page found a bigger surprise.

The photo was black and white and held a quite... disturbing image. It was an old man with sleek, white hair doing, once again, a keg stand. He was supported by two middle aged adults, a man and a woman, and a young girl with black hair. They all were wearing smiles, except for the old man, who had a look of utter concentration. This time, the label said, "Second keg stand: First incarnation, age 274, with Susan, Ian, and Barbara at a pub on Krowne III."

"How is that old guy even doing a keg stand...?" Rory asked slowly, giving Amy a confused look.

"Who cares, keep going!" She replied, flipping the page.

The next photo was in black and white again, showing a similar picture. A younger man, but still quite old, was on the keg this time. He had a young man and woman supporting him. "Third keg stand: Second incarnation, age 452, with Victoria and Jamie at some poor bloke's kitchen." The label read.

Rory looked at Amy. "Let's go faster." **(A.N. INNUENDO! HA!)**

_Flip_

A man with white hair in a sort of magician's clothing, with a military man and a young woman with brown hair. Labeled: "Fourth keg stand: Third incarnation, age 596, with Sarah-Jane and the Brigadier, shortly before regeneration."

_Flip_

A man, his face half shielded by a ridiculous scarf, grinned at the camera during his keg stand. A single young girl was helping him, with an angry scowl written across her face. Labeled: "Fifth keg stand: Fourth incarnation, age 631, with Romana (Second incarnation) at a random planet, random bar."

_Flip_

The keg stander this time was a young, blonde man in a cricket uniform, with a young man and woman by his side. Labeled: "Sixth keg stand: Fifth incarnation, age 672, with Adric and Tegan, time and place unknown due to amount of alcohol intake."

_Flip_

This picture was practically blinded by the flashes of color from a supposed coat the keg stander was wearing, one woman by his side. "Seventh keg stand: Sixth incarnation, age 700, with Peri at, once again, an unknown place and time."

_Flip_

The poor, short man in this picture's face was red as can be, a single young, blonde girl supporting him, cheering the poor, old bloke on as it looked like. "Eighth keg stand: Seventh incarnation, age 763, with Ace after yet another Nitro-9 incident."

_Flip_

This photo was blurry, it was hard to distinguish what was happening in it. There was a man, once again, doing a keg stand, brown locks falling around his face. And once again, a single woman was supporting him. "Ninth keg stand: Eighth incarnation, age 874, with Grace at a bar after defeating the Master."

_Flip_

A man in a leather jacket with an almost-buzz cut was keg standing this time, with a man with brown hair and a blonde woman with him. "Tenth keg stand: Ninth incarnation, age 900, with Rose and Jack right before Satellite 5."

_Flip_

There were quite a few pictures, it seemed, for the last event. It was centered around eleven people. The first was of the typical keg stand, with a skinny man in a pinstriped suit performing the action. There were two men supporting them, one had been in the previous picture, and everyone else was smiling at the camera. There were quite a few names on the label. "Eleventh keg stand: Tenth incarnation, age 903, with Rose, Jack, Sarah-Jane, Mickey the Idiot, Donna, Handy (Instantaneous Biological-Metacrisis), Martha, Jackie, Gwen, and Ianto. After the Stolen Earth incident, at Torchwood Three's hub."

"Those two guys are exactly the same." Amy said, pointing out both the obvious and at the skinny guys in suits.

"Maybe they're twins or something." Rory replied, focusing back on the pictures.

The rest of the pictures were more like random snapshots of very drunk people, with a few of them just capturing people making out. The one that made the Pond's shiver the most was a four-way snog between Pinstripes, the man who had been in these photos and the last one, a dark-skinned man, and another man who had to be Pinstripe's identical twin and/or clone. (_Which would be utterly impossible_, Amy thought.) There was also a photo that had two women, a ginger and an older blonde, throwing tomatoes at each other. They were both sitting on top of street lamps, 35 feet in the air, precariously perched. Another equally disturbing photo was of a young blonde woman, who was only in a bra and knickers, tangled around another woman, who was older and had brown hair, who was also wearing only a bra and knickers. Their lips were pressed firmly together.

**(A.N. Yes, I am saying that 10, the Clone, Mickey, and Jack made out (In my twisted mind for about 20 minutes) Jackie and Donna had a tomato fight on top of street lamps, and Sarah-Jane and Rose.. *cough cough* ...Let your imagination go right there.)**

"What are you doing...?" Amy and Rory's heads shot up to see the Doctor hesitantly speaking to them from the doorway.

"Err... looking at a photo album of people doing keg stands." Rory replied completely honestly. The Doctor's face immediately went from suspicious to absolutely excited in a millisecond, bounding over to grab the album from their hands.

"You found it! I've been looking for this thing everywhere!" The Doctor was bouncing with excitement, looking at the closed book. "I've had this ever since I was 92." He opened the front cover to show the picture of the teenager and his friends. "My first keg stand ever. Ah, I remember it perfectly."

"Wait, _you're _first keg stand? Did we just look at pictures of every single keg stand you've ever done?" Amy was almost screeching. The Doctor grinned at her.

"Yup!"

"But... you weren't in any of them." Rory piped up.

The Doctor gave him a look. "I've done one in every single incarnation of myself. You don't think I've gone around for 900 years in this face, do you?"

"Yeah, I actually did."

"Rassilon, no!" The Doctor looked back down at the book. "That was me when I was still in the Academy, during one of our field trips. It was actually my first time on Earth. Did a keg stand here, hooked ever since."

Amy and Rory looked at him incredulously. "Earth is your favorite planet because you did your first keg stand here?"

"Yup!"

The Doctor flipped through the pages, grinning and giving brief descriptions of each event. Then, he got to the very last pages that contained the very drunken party.

"Oh, I don't even remember _that _night. See, the keg stand wasn't that bad. That's me in the pinstripes." He pointed to himself, doing the keg stand. "That's Jack and Mickey holding me up." He looked at another photo and cringed. "Damn you Harkness. Apparently, Jack got Mickey, my clone, and myself to snog."

"Wait, your _clone_?" Amy asked, staring at him with wide eyes.

"I just told you that I had a make-out session with three other men and you thought I was weird for saying I had a clone." The Doctor gave her an are-you-kidding-me look, but went on. "Yes, I got a clone. But he's elsewhere now."

The Doctor looked at the picture of the two women throwing tomatoes. "Geez, how did they manage to get up there? If I recall correctly, Jackie, the blonde, and Donna, the ginger, were the drunkest of all of us. How they got up there, I do not know." His eyes wandered to the photo of the two almost-naked women. The Doctor's eyes almost popped out. "Rose... and... Sarah-Jane..." He shivered. "That's terrifying."

The Doctor closed the book, got up, and put the album on a nearby shelf. He walked out of the room, and the Ponds could hear his voice echo down the hall.

"Get your coats!"

Rory yelled after him, "Why?"

"We're keeping the tradition alive!"

* * *

**Wow, probably the longest single chapter I've ever written. And I managed to do it while babysitting a seven-year-old with ADD. I am awesome. Give me suggestions if you want any sequels from this, I'm contemplating it but I won't if you guys don't want me to.**

**Every time you review, the Doctor does another keg stand! GO HIT THE BUTTON, YOU IDIOT!**

**-The Linn**


End file.
